We’ve all done it. Sent that drunken text. Checked and re-checked some random guys’ Facebook wall. Dreamt for hours about the perfect relationship. This one is for all the girls who have been through the desperation mill, just like me.
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Here’s how I changed from desperately clinging to guys, to feeling empowered:
- I Won’t Take His ‘stuff’ Anymore
I know what I want. I also won’t put up with anything that doesn’t equal what I want. You don’t have to be the only one texting, or to be sleeping with someone in the hope that they will love you, ever. If that’s the way a guy is behaving, I know now that I just wouldn’t stand for it. If you can get away from this kind of an unequal relationship, try to (at your own pace).
- I Changed My Career
This one took some time. Now I am writing for a living, I feel I can do anything. I feel invincible, and so I don’t need a man to remind me how great I am, because I do it, everyday when I wake up and do what I love. Find something you can feel proud doing, and then start doing it.
- I Messed up, a Lot
Sometimes you just need to make a mistake, one, two, or ten times, before you are satisfied that acting in this way is not going to work. The world of love can be flummoxing at best, and even the strongest of women give in to something that they know in their hearts is not the best thing for them. But once you’ve been through enough of the pain, you see that it just isn’t worth it.
- I Had a Relationship
When you think that a relationship is the be all and end all, you can’t help but think that everything would be perfect if you had one. But once you’ve had one, you realise that one person cannot meet all your needs. That’s when you learn how to meet them yourself, because you know it’s the only way you’ll ever truly be happy.
- I Learnt to Let Go and Chill Out
Craving means having a lot of anxious thoughts about something that you don’t have. Or maybe you do have it, but it isn’t doing you any good right now. I learnt how to chill out about it by doing things like yoga and meditation. By calming down about what I think I need, I give myself the option to simply want it, so that it’s not be such a big deal.
- I Love to Do My Thing
I enjoy going to see girlfriends, and doing my work and following passions outside of work. Because of all the things I do, I feel like I’m a whole, complete person, who relies on me for happiness. If a guy is around and we have a good time, yes, that can feel awesome, but it’s a perk in my life, not the main event.
- I Worked out What It Was I Really Wanted
When I was dating a guy from Switzerland I thought I was going to be able to move there, meet his friends and improve my French. The idea of this adventure sounded awesome to me. When we split, I realised that I didn’t need him in order to have an adventure of my own, and so a year later I moved to France.
- I Have a Strong Support Network
If it’s companionship you’re missing, then having some cool friends and a chat can be majorly freeing. Knowing that I can have that, rather than needing to rely on a boyfriend the whole time, is liberating.
- I Learnt to Love Myself
I know it’s so cliché, but it’s true. Loving yourself can lead to you feeling worthy of love, and more whole and happy. Giving myself what I need and knowing that I can trust myself to be there has been such a huge revelation for me. It takes away the stress of trying to get anyone else around me to do different from what they already are.
- Anyone Who Didn’t See the Beauty in Me, I proved Them Wrong
Growing my awesomeness now is helped by the fact that I know any rejections I might have had when I was really craving love; when I was seen as desperate or weird in some way, helped me out. I want to be able to meet these guys and say ‘see, you just didn’t get me back then’. So make your pain your fuel for growing and become stronger than ever before.
Source: Debut by Juan Carlo
So go out, have fun, don’t care what anyone thinks, know what you want out of life and your relationships, and don’t accept anything less. Because you know you deserve it.
Trust me, going from clingy to independent has been a long process for me, and not an easy one. And I’m still learning today. I just hope that the mistakes I made in my past mean that you can drop any cravings with ease, begin to feel good for you, and move on with your awesome life.
What do you think? Have you had any clingy experiences where love seemed a mile away? Ever had someone be clingy with you? Let me know, in the comments below!