She for He – #hecancry

#mencancryMan crying. Source – guardian.ng

I just had a huge epiphany: That we, as feminists, may have been missing a trick.

I think one of the largest problems with feminism today (as in, its efficacy), is that the word often, without meaning to, creates estrangement. Men can feel isolated and like it isn’t something for them to be involved with…

I happen to believe that the missing piece is connection. Women and men need to see each other as individual people, that is the only way these barriers can be broken.

I was recently talking to a friend, who told me that I was more than the colour of my skin or the gender of the body I am in. That was a huge compliment, as I believe all great people can be defined by who they are, and not where they were born, their parents, their upbringing etc. At a certain point, a person surpasses their physical boundaries: Maya Angelou. Martin Luther King. Lana Wachowski. John Lennon. Prince.

Maya Angelou. Source – quote ambition

“A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.”

Men go through crippling difficulties with not being able to express emotion in a world that is too busy to hear. Many men die because of this lack of support, and connection.

sad man.jpgMan in pain. Source – blocksoflife

I am not saying women don’t have it hard. There are many problems for women to deal with in this modern age, too. Many that it may be hard for men to understand. In the same way women may never fully understand the difficulties they face. If you’re feeling a resistance to helping men, I get it. We feel unheard, often unseen. Surely the first step, again, is connection.

We are not so different. We are all human. And just because we have not experienced their problems, and vice versa, it does not mean we can’t help each other out. We need unity more than ever now.

emma-watson-cares-and-so-should-you__1500x670_q85_crop_subsampling-2Emma Watson. Source – globalcitizen

“Men, I would like to take this opportunity to extend your formal invitation. Gender equality is your issue, too.”

As Emma Watson said so eloquently in her speech, men have problems, too. Helping men to express their feelings and to connect, in my mind, can only help women… and men.

So here’s my proposal… to post the hashtags #hecancry #warriorscry #sheforhe along with a supportive message to all men.

This is a way of showing that feminists can support men. I believe that men and women supporting each other is crucial if we are to work together in the future.

Men play a large role in helping us to reach equality, and being kind is always a good thing. I believe it is time to show that while we need men’s help (#heforshe), men can be just as benefited and lifted up as we can. It’s also time for #sheforhe #strongmencry #warriorscry #hecancry

As always, thanks in advance for any gifts ❤

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Why we needed #metoo

Why we needed metoo Taylor Blake FlickrTree woman. Source – flickr

Recently a friend said to me that she didn’t think so many of those using the metoo hashtag needed to kick up too much of a fuss. Most of them were probably only verbally sexualised on the street, was her theory. Maybe it was just people making a fuss about nothing, right?

The thing is, if you’ve never experienced sexual violence of any kind, you are the lucky ones. That’s not to say this is a bad thing. We want more and more ‘lucky’ young women, and the #metoo movement isn’t just about making people lucky- it’s about making being safe the norm, for everybody.

As someone who has been attacked, I couldn’t find the words to say, ‘no, it IS needed.’ Because still the shame runs deep through my veins. So I decided to write this post instead.

If someone slaps a woman’s ass on the street, it’s no big deal, right? I mean, it’s not rape. It’s not murder. My issue with this attitude is this – one disrespectful act can lead to another.

I know not everything in life needs to be taken seriously, but when one of our sisters or brothers speaks out against injustice, especially when it is so hard to break this silence , we need to accept their reality as truth. And to listen.

#Metoo was a huge deal for those that were brave enough to speak out. And denying the fact that it ever happened is simply denying a larger problem, and that needs to be addressed.

beth budestheim painting

Connected woman. Source: bethbudeshiem.com

We cannot keep raping our mother. Sexual violence is the worst kind of violence because it is a misuse of sacred feminine energy, it is a misuse of love. And it is a deep hurt, sadness and longing, for real love.

The reason we need this truth, is for unity, for all those who are grieving their pain, together. And for an awareness, that voices will be raised, and this is acceptable, no more. No more. No more.

Oprah. Source – the Tube

War No More

I just got the news that the UK, US and France decided to send another load of bombs over to Syria. Well, that was smart. Who knows why the real reason is, but I sure as hell don’t believe that the innocent men women and children that were killed as a result were harmed because the politicians were so concerned for our safety and well-being.

arianna-grande-concert-attack-manchesterAttack in Manchester. Source- thetube

This attack most definitely harms our well-being. As new ideas fill grief-stricken and (rightly) angry minds of those that have just lost their loved ones, guess who’s going to get it in the neck? That’s right, more Ariana Grande fans. More people on the bus. More people on the underground.

 

So people of the UK, US and France need to be careful now – if you live in a large city, try to be aware of large groups of people, of how you could be run down by a car. I’m not saying live in fear. I’m just saying, be aware – because in the next few years – we’re gunna get it in the neck for this, while the politicians that thought this would be a fun idea that they can probably make some profit off of it, reap the benefits.

DagxQJaV4AAS6XBSyrian children. Source – twitter

“What kind of nation wants to be associated with the mass murder of men, women and children?” Trump asked. Well, you tell me, ’cause you’re the one organising all this atrocity!

Obviously, as a pacifist, I’m annoyed. But as a human being, I’m livid that these acts have been performed in my name. That people are in pain, and as someone who is from the UK, and, now living in France, I am disgusted at how these nations have acted.

Killing only creates more killing and it pains me every time I hear that another bomb has been dropped. In France, to have an ‘air strike’ means you have to change your flight times because the pilot is not happy with his pay. It does not mean this kind of shit.

happy-pilot-ready-to-fly.pngHappy pilot. Source – howtobecome.xyz

I’m so enraged, and wondering what, if anything I can do about this. It seems the world is in a huge mess and the worst possible things are happening, whether it be a Brexit that represents a fear of losing what we have, a fear of diversity and inclusion, or connectedness.

To Trump taking over, with his large (rather entertaining at times) ego, and now this. The beginning of what I feared when I heard that he had become president. I don’t mind Trump himself, don’t get me wrong. If he were at a party, I might avoid him as the drunk Uncle who makes no sense. But on his own, I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice guy, really. It’s what he represents that scares me. He can go from a funny caricature to a very serious threat to humanity in seconds flat.

donald-trump-donkey-hotey-caricature.jpgTrump caricature. Source – Flickr

I’m writing this because I feel annoyed about how there’s nothing I can seemingly do to stop this kind of behaviour.

I am writing because if you don’t SAY something, at least, then this behaviour can carry on, seemingly ok with society. ‘Well, they didn’t say anything, so…’

No.

If Martin Luther King hadn’t raised his powerful voice, we would not be where we are today – better off for those words. So, it may be little. It may not be much, just a small and insignificant blog post. But I had to say something and take a stand today.

I am writing, to say – to those in Syria, there are people in the UK who are on your side, and we are shouting, screaming WAR NO MORE.

#warnomore #Syrie

 

Show your support here:

Peace demonstration NYC

Upcoming UK events

Dedicate yourself to peace today

 

In response to… James Damore’s Echo Chamber

echo chamber damore echo bilnEcho. Source: bilan

Welcome to my echo. It’s funny, because this guy without meaning to, created his own sound in a cave, which is now reverberating about the internet.

Basically, this dude working for Google as a software engineer was asked to give some feedback on their diversity programs. Without any response he tried sharing his ideas with other employees. His memo then leaked and went viral.

When I first heard about this, I got a brief account of the story – ‘guy says that there are less women in tech because they are biologically less suited to it’.

Without more understanding, there’s a shock factor. I can feel my metaphorical cat hunching up it’s back and getting defensive. ‘Women too stupid to do tech!’ … But I don’t like to jump on a bandwagon without a bit of further information.

giraffe catCats love giraffes. Source: reddit

By coincidence I came across him speaking in an empathy circle in an NVC video. I was still cagey, but interested in how he might not be a total dickhead! It took me a while, and I eventually managed to find the original document. Having read it, I could see the clear intention of the author – to increase inclusion and diversity.

It is not so dissimilar from the advice given in this TED talk by Linda Salane, talking about how women are different from men in certain ways, (for cultural or biological reasons) and knowing this can be used to our advantage. She encourages women to improve their bartering skills for pay and to care less what people think about them so they do what they want/take promotions despite any negative judgements that may be made.

Damore doesn’t make any suggestions for women to change themselves, he does, however, suggest ways tech companies could improve upon their inclusion of women and general diversity in the workplace.

He made many points about this and how political views/biases may be affecting the company. These included the idea that google’s diversity programs singling out one type of person from another is possibly adding to the problem. A catch 22. Damore implies that by including everyone’s opinions, by not labelling people as minorities, we begin a new path of egalitarianism.

Balance-scalesScales. Source: super metal recyclers

This is a similar point to a woman I find truly inspiring, Caroline McHugh – who said that she is a feminist, but she is mostly a ‘womanist’, i.e. proudly a woman. This does not mean feminism is not needed. It just acknowledges the unfortunate catch 22 feminism brings to the table. In an odd way it backs up the idea that it is needed.

(nb I am not saying that feminism is not needed! But, I can see the progression in moving towards what we would like to happen.)

The ideas and strategies suggested in this memo are inspiring to me. He even goes as far as referencing feminists in the memo, arguing we have made great leaps in freeing women of their gender roles.

He makes the argument for men also to be heard, and that giving people jobs simply because of their gender is not helping the problem. But jobs can be made more, ‘female-friendly’ so that women want to work in tech more organically.

 3045915-poster-p-1-how-do-i-get-long-winded-job-candidates-to-stop-talking-during-interviewsTalk. Source: kingston muslim association

If not judged so quickly as an ‘anti-diversity’ statement, these possible findings could be used to help more women in many different sectors. If correct, they could be the key to getting more women into management positions, or more men interested in more social /people-based jobs.

I can understand why some women do not want to hear what he has to say. Perhaps there is too much pain from past experience. The way they have been treated may seem so unfair and, yes, sexist, that they are not willing to hear his ideas. I get it. It is hard to not feel heard or understood.

At face judgement, what he appears to be saying is shocking. But that’s ironically because of the echo chamber of fake news implying he thinks women are not biologically up to becoming techies. -It is easy to say that he is a ‘white male’, so he can never understand. But, what if he’s willing to try to understand? And what if we were willing to hear his perspective, not just dehumanise him because of his skin colour or sex?

Then, maybe, just maybe, we could all hear each other, and we could work something out. And the world could get just a little more diverse.

#strongertogether #hairypitstogether

 

What do you think? Is this guy onto something? Let me know in the comments! And, as always, thank you for your gifts ❤

Women and exercise – ‘you don’t have to’


women exercise pride ev grieveLove the Skin. Source: stacie joy

So, this is a little thought about the strange situation women are in in terms of exercise, our relationship to the world and to ‘body shaming’.

It is so assumed that a woman would be exercising because she hates her body or to lose weight that the phrase ‘oh, you don’t have to,’ is often used in response to the statement ‘I’m going for a run now’.

This is sad. To put it on the other foot, for a man who wants to exercise for whatever reason, this phrase seems less likely to be used (please correct me if I’m wrong!), but I’d guess the phrase ‘but you don’t need to lose any weight!’ isn’t used so much.

Our culture seems to have so engrained in our psyche the idea that women should dislike their bodies and strive to change them, that exercise naturally must be an odd side effect in response to this pressure.

women exercise you don't have to love- awesome desktopLove. Source: awesome desktop

But what if there was another reason? (Can you imagine?!)

What if, on the other end of the scale, a woman is so full of love for herself that she enjoys feeling healthy? Maybe she just likes running. Maybe she’s gotten past all the bullcrap about how people think she should be, gotten past all the hate that she is meant to be feeling, and she just loves herself, as she is.

The woman who loves her body does not then need to exercise. She chooses to. Exercise has many benefits, especially improving your mood and mental health, which, a woman who loves herself might want to take advantage of. Or not.

women exercise - you don't have to - lying-naked-woman-alfons-niexWoman. Source: Fine Art America

I happen to be an artist. To me, everything is art, including my body. I don’t work out to eradicate it – I work out to create it! To allow it to be all that it can be!

I love my body as it is and I love seeing it evolve. Yes, I like seeing my body develop into a healthier body, but I don’t berate it or myself when I have an off day and eat a whole pizza and a burrito! My body gave me life, it finds health for me, it works, even when I’m sleeping! And I find all sorts of ways of enjoying it; exercise being one of them.

 awwww women exercise you don't have to body pride girlGirl. Source: Pinterest

So I say yes to body pride (which is always sexy), and I say yes to exercise pride. Let’s allow our girls to run and enjoy being girls, to enjoy being active if they want; to find strength in any way they want to.

Because the shame of not being able to move, just incase you are judged as fearful of your own body, is not something we need carry on to the next generation.

 

What do you think? Vibe from the other side – what is body shaming like for men? Have you ever had this kind of ‘exercise shaming’ before? The odd sister of body shaming?

Let me know in the comments! Thanks, love you!!

For more on Body Lovin’, click here.

Thanks in advance for any gifts ❤

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In response to… me too

me too heartMe too. Source: all express

Well, this is an idea I had about two years ago. I’m glad someone else got there and made it happen.

I think the idea of sharing our stories of sexual pain or attack as women (and men, actually) can be majorly healing. I believe that shedding light on the dark corners of our human experience always helps encourage healing; helps us connect as human beings. We are all having difficulties and challenges with similar things throughoutour journeys on this tumbledown earth.

Like many, I have been assaulted. The #everydaysexism is something so common, it is unfortunately expected as a given if you are a woman. When talking of assault, the idea that you might be upset or want to express feelings of grief for the violence, is often frowned upon.

Feminists are mocked for being possible rape victims with a chip on their shoulder. The thing is, is this not a valid thing to be upset about? Hundreds of women (…or is it thousands by now?) are able to say that it is.

I find the idea of sharing a scary one. Many may feel their privacy needs to be kept intact and sharing is not for them. This I totally respect, of course.

But for me, the values of Lana Wachowski ring in my ears as I see the feed on my facebook wall fill with a chiming solidarity between my sisters, as they vulnerably speak their truths.

But, as Lana says:

‘Sacrifice of my private civic life 

shall have value…’

in-response-to-hairy-armpits-world-in-hands-inner-michaelWorld is in our hands. Source:

And so, here it is, my vulnerable, very human, expression of solidarity to my sisters and brothers: me too.

The 10 reasons Sense8 changed my life (and it will change yours, too!)

sun3Sun.

I have an apology to make… to all of my friends and family who I talked to about Sense8… I’m sorry. I have become all enthralled and totally enthused by this show. And so I thought I would write a post to explain myself… here is why I became so god-damn obsessed with this show, and you should, too.

1. It made me feel less alone.

I have been very lonely of late and have found myself huddled away behind my canvas, my notepad, my meditation and the shadows of trees in the sunlight. With only my cats to talk to, I found Sense8 to be a lifeline.

Sense8 is a show that gave me a new perspective on my loneliness. It helped me to realise that even though I was on my own here, I am connected to other people in the world, perhaps in ways I don’t know yet and that have not been revealed to me.

The story line is about eight people joined by their own emotions and senses. The idea that I can be connected in this empathic way to people I haven’t even met, reassures me. It puts new hope and faith in humanity, that they are out there, my close friends, just waiting to be met.

2. It reminded me of empathy and life purpose.

Well, as you know from my post about how to empathise, I was already into empathy. That said, I sometimes am human and forget all about it and my passion for truly hearing people.

The sensates themselves can already feel everything the other person is feeling instinctually. This level of effortless understanding is something not attainable by us humans so easily, but is something to aspire to – a oneness that many of us are thirsty for. It reminded me of the beauty of true human connection in which everyone is transparent, authentic, and connected to one another.

beaut intro sense8 the tubeSense8 intro. Source: The Tube

3. It reminded me of the beauty in the world

In this time of difficult times, it is easy to forget and to focus on the negative side of everything, of humanity. But Sense8 reminds us through the amazing and beautiful (emmi nominated) cinematography, that the world can be and is, a beautiful place. Shot in eight different countries for each character, this is true dedication to diversity and sharing what each place has to offer.

Not only is it beautifully shot, the message of hope and strength that runs throughout each storyline is clear. -The emphasis on celebration and the positive side of human nature reminds me that it is not all bad in life. And the open appreciation of the LGBTQ+ community and relationships is an added bonus.

4. Knowing that I’m weird just became a strength

If you’re one of the weird ones on the outside looking in, possibly a Lady Gaga fan, you will relate to this show. It takes self-acceptance to another level.

Birthed by trans sisters, Lana and Lilly Wachowski, their original take on being an outsider is clear through their writing.

The theme of each of the characters being different but this being a strength as they bring something new and essential to the table, is a message that is highly needed in this often hostile political climate.

The messages here give representation to those who do not feel heard in a world that slowly seems to be going to shit!

you did it will riley giff .gifWill and Riley. Source: rebloggy

5. It helped with my trauma

This will likely not have the same effect on others as it did me, but the story about one young woman’s trauma, and how the writers made sense of this on a spiritual and emotional level helped me to understand a little more, my own.

This is the purpose of all art, I believe. Particularly in good and talented writing, it is to pose our own questions and to delve deep into what we might find as our own personal understanding of what once posed a problem or a psychological curiosity. It gave me a reason to fight past the trauma, for the people we love.

This was the Wachowski’s two cents. And for me, it proved very very insightful and transformative.

6. It is the perfect show for INFJs

This show is based more around the character’s development than anything. Being a show already primed for empaths of the world to unite, the ‘feeling’ personalities will eat this up. My life and brain works this way. Logic often is lost on me.

And so seeing a show that also shows my own perspective, was freeing to me. And seeing an introverted character be one of the most badass superheroes I have ever seen, was refreshing in itself.

lito beauty gay manLito, the beauty. Source: tumblr

7. I saw real women, real trans people, real gay people … I saw myself.

The best kind of art makes you connect with the characters, but also to see yourself clearer than you had before you saw it.

Often we see women as superheroes who are just a hot body in a tight suit, with no real personality, no real humanness to them. They are perfect and they kick ass. And yes, when I watch them, I do want to be them. But I also feel ‘less than’ them.

The difference here is that the female characters here are all beautiful, but I can SEE MYSELF within them. They show weakness, they love, for real, they are tender, for real, sexual, for real, and if they can be this strong and passionate, smart and fiery.

Then so can I.

9. It teaches that courage is courage.

Kind of in opposition to the last point I made. -Whilst I find it highly beneficial to see ‘strong’ female leads, I also value the point made here which loosens up the boundaries of what we think we need in order to feel courage, or to be strength. The point is made that it doesn’t matter who is being courageous, it the intention and the act, rather than whether it is a man or a woman. That ‘who we are’ is an abstract construct when you consider yourself one in eight different people, or one in a million. If courage is represented only by men but you are female, in a way, it does not matter, because you can still be inspired by the qualities you like, no matter what your gender. (I believe this is true, along with representation of all walks of life being highly valuable to all.)

love is art twitterLove must be free. Source: twitter

8. It makes me want to create more art

This series is heart and soul defined. It is the new chicken soup for the soul. It has spiritual teachings scattered around beautiful scenery, scintillating chemistry, hot sex scenes (that embrace this side of human nature), humour and strong connections and empathy throughout.

The one liners are never ending in this piece of art. No line is wasted.

It’s like Hemingway on crack.

I could eat these lines up the same way a Woody Allen movie fills me with inspiration; it gets me up off of the couch and to my typewriter. It just works.

10. It calls for revolution like a ‘whisper’

This show encourages people to do better and be better than they already are. To think for themselves, to not accept the status quo. This is exactly the kind of message we need for people to be free again. To remember our true power; to fight for what is right and for what is ours.

I believe this fighting spirit is what gave the Sense8 fans the tenacity to petition and rally together for a month upon its cancellation and to succeed in getting back a two-hour special for the series completion. Not only that, thousands of us are still fighting for a full third season, and more if we can get it.

sense8-sun hugCluster love. Source: google

This is not only a fight for us, it is for ‘we’ – it is for all – so that more people can see this show and have the same ‘aha’ moments and chills we have had, the same amount of joy in its humour and love for the human condition; the love of the ‘mess’ of all of us, the strength and power each of us have, and how, when we are different, we are #strongertogether.

Like Almanita says, ‘I am also a ‘we”. This I believe to be absolutely true, more than ever. Let us not forget it.

Lilly. Source: The Tube

“While the ideas of transformation and identity are critical components in our work… the bedrock that all ideas rest upon is love.”

I would like to say a personal thank you to Lana and Lilly Wachowski, you do not know how you have changed my life and touched my soul. I aspire to be exactly like you lovely ladies as I grow as an artist.

You are my benchmark. # I am we. ❤

What do you think? Seen the series? Want to?! Let me know in the comments! Thanks in advance for any gifts you might want to give, they are most appreciated.

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